Altruism Kills

Expectation vs Reality

I hate the movie “500 Days of Summer” but there’s one scene in the movie that really resonates with me. Its that scene where Joseph Gordon Levitt’s character is going to the party hosted by Zooey Deschanel character and the screen splits and on one side you have what he expects to happen and on the other side you have what actually happens. His character expects to have a wonderful time at the party where the host (Zooey Deschanel) introduces him to friends and spends time with him but instead he gets an awkward hello and then is left on his own in a party filled with strangers. This scene kills me. Unfortunately this happens to me everyday and its truly painful not having your expectations be somewhat met.

You know when you have a girlfriend you’re supposed to be that sweet boyfriend that surprises her with her favorite candy, helps her carry things, write her cute notes, and other sweet “boyfriendy” things but in return the girlfriend should at least do some sweet things in return. I don’t want much too be honest and it’s really not that hard to make my day but I always end up going to sleep with a frown on my face and a numbness in my chest.

So in my opinion I’ve been a pretty good boyfriend during our relationship I’ve done all that I listed a sweet boyfriend should do and more but I still have not had something done by my girlfriend to prove that she truly cares about my interests and me. Yes we had sex but honestly sex does not mean that much, it’s a carnal, animalistic need but kindness is not. It’s easy to have sex but it’s hard to be thoughtful. 

It killed me when earlier today I asked my girlfriend to come over for twenty minutes and spend sometime with me before I went to volunteer and her response was that she was too comfy to move out of her room and walk ten feet to get to mine. It killed me; it showed me that ten feet is too much effort for her to make me happy, ten feet was too much for her to see me, ten feet was too much for her.

Ten feet was too little for me.

The Weekend Girlfriend

You know its weird, you have her for three seconds and then she’s gone. Just like that in the blink of an eye. We met through a group of friends, at first I didn’t expect much from her; I just thought she was like every other cigarette-smoking girl. Into punk and rock and roll but then she opened up like a flower blooms okay that’s cliché but you get what I mean. I found all these new layers to her. The best part was that as I uncovered those layers I would want to uncover more and more.

After a couple of weeks we found ourselves making out in the comfort of my bed while watching some indie movie. It was perfect. This infatuation kept going for the weekend but as the new week started it slowly faded away until it was revive again on the start of the weekend, which is where I decided to dub her the weekend girlfriend.

Don’t date a weekend girlfriend. At first it feels like you actually have someone. Someone to watch movies, kiss, cuddle, share your life with; but, then you start to ask yourself the essential question “Is she actually in to me?” and that’s when it hits you that its not all gold and glitter.

Since you never established what you two are  - I’m not too into labels by the way – there’s no structure to the relationship, which then makes your “thing” pretty much an oligarchy of love. The “thing” will last as long as the people invested keep investing but since she’s a weekend girlfriend it does not work.

Thursday is rolling in now and so I she. The communication starts becoming more frequent and so does the social interaction. When Thursday comes then so will she but the question is if I will fall for her or will I be resilient enough to not succumb to her spells.  This weekend it will be different though. She is going away which makes me think of how she will act. I’m expecting a couple of “I miss you” maybe one or two “come here” and the occasional “I wish you were here”.

Well I guess I’ll find out what occurs over the next few days, hopefully it goes well and I have her back which I know goes against what I said about not dating a weekend girlfriend which brings me to my last point don’t get attached. 

Altruism Kills

I don’t expect anything in return when I do an act of kindness but at least have some decency to say goodnight to me probably.  I hate it you think you have but then you realize you don’t. Its hard, I feel like she’s only there when she wants me to be there for her but she never there when I want her. I try to be that guy from the movies and TV, I try and surprises you and I think of these extravagant presents for you but it sucks because when you do all this shit you hope deep down inside she will be thoughtful for you. You hope that she’ll do that one thing to make you smile right before you go to bed. Tonight that was just a simple kiss goodnight.

It didn’t happen.